my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
