I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
