): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
