Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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