Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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