ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
