Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
