Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
