So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
