do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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