I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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