I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
