the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
