Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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