How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
