Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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