She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
