i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
