i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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