the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
