In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
