Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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