She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
