Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
