He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
