I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
