remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
