I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
