Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
