Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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