you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
