never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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