The maid of honor just puked.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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