peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
