Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
