im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
