Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
