Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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