i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
