You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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