it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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