last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
