so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
