You just made me feel so damn special
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
