I can text with my tongue
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
