He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
