Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
