got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
