Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
