Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
