We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
