You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
