Your dad touched me again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
