so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
